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"I resist the devil, and often it is with a fart that I chase him away."
"God does not work salvation for fictitious sinners. Be a sinner and sin vigorously.... Do not for a moment imagine that this life is the abiding place of justice; sin must be committed."
“Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!”
"Sin cannot tear you away from him [Christ], even though you commit adultery a hundred times a day and commit as many murders."
"A large number of deaf, crippled and blind people are afflicted solely through the malice of the demon. And one must in no wise doubt that plagues, fevers and every sort of evil come from him."
“I'm like a ripe stool and the world's like a gigantic anus, and we're about to let go of each other.”
"An earthly kingdom cannot exist without inequality of persons. Some must be free, some serfs, some rulers, some subjects."
"As for the demented, I hold it certain that all beings deprived of reason are thus afflicted only by the Devil."
"As to the common people, ... one has to be hard with them and see that they do their work and that under the threat of the sword and the law they comply with the observance of piety, just as you chain up wild beasts."
"At Poltersberg, there is a lake similarly cursed. If you throw a stone into it, a dreadful storm immediately arises, and the whole neighboring district quakes to its centre. 'Tis the devils kept prisoner there."
"At Sussen, the Devil carried off, last Good Friday, three grooms who had devoted themselves to him."
"Demons live in many lands, but particularly in Prussia."
"How often have not the demons called 'Nix,' drawn women and girls into the water, and there had commerce with them, with fearful consequences."
"I almost feel like throwing Jimmy into the stove, as the priest in Kulenberg did."
"I feel much freer now that I am certain the pope is the Antichrist."
"I maintain that some Jew wrote it [the Book of James] who probably heard about Christian people but never encountered any."
"I myself saw and touched at Dessay, a child of this sort, which had no human parents, but had proceeded from the Devil. He was twelve years old, and, in outward form, exactly resembled ordinary children."
"I should have no compassion on these witches; I should burn them all."
"Idiots, the lame, the blind, the dumb, are men in whom the devils have established themselves: and all the physicians who heal these infirmities, as though they proceeded from natural causes, are ignorant blockheads...."
"The Holy Spirit unveiled the Scriptures for me in this tower at the lavatory."
"In many countries there are particular places to which devils more especially resort. In Prussia there is an infinite number of evil spirits."
"In Switzerland, on a high mountain, not far from Lucerne, there is a lake they call Pilate's Pond, which the Devil has fixed upon as one of the chief residences of his evil spirits...."
"Many demons are in woods, in waters, in wildernesses, and in dark poolly places ready to hurt...people."
"Many sweat to reconcile St. Paul and St. James, but in vain. 'Faith justifies' and 'faith does not justify' contradict each other flatly. If any one can harmonize them I will give him my doctor's hood and let him call me a fool."
"No gown worse becomes a than the desire to be wise."
“Devil, I have just $h!t in my trousers. Have you smelled it?”
"Our bodies are always exposed to Satan. The maladies I suffer are not natural, but Devil's spells."
"Reason is the greatest enemy that faith has: it never comes to the aid of spritual things, but--more frequently than not --struggles against the Divine Word...."
"Reason must be deluded, blinded, and destroyed. Faith must trample underfoot all reason, sense, and understanding, and whatever it sees must be put out of sight and ... know nothing but the word of God."
"Snakes and monkeys are subjected to the demon more than other animals. Satan lives in them and possesses them. He uses them to deceive men and to injure them."
"Some [demons] are also in the thick black clouds, which cause hail, lightning and thunder, and poison the air, the pastures and grounds."
"The best way to get rid of the Devil, if you cannot kill it with the words of Holy Scripture, is to rail at and mock him. Music, too, is very good; music is hateful to him, and drives him far away. "
"The damned whore Reason...."
"The Devil can so completely assume the human form, when he wants to deceive us, that we may well lie with what seems to be a woman, of real flesh and blood, and yet all the while 'tis only the Devil in the shape of a woman. 'Tis the same with women, who may think that a man is in bed with them, yet 'tis only the Devil; and...the result of this connection is oftentimes an imp of darkness, half mortal, half devil...."
"The Devil...clutched hold of the miserable young man...and flew off with him through the ceiling, since which time nothing has been heard of [him]."
"The Devil fears the word of God, He can't bite it; it breaks his teeth."
"The Devil, it is true, is not exactly a doctor who has taken degrees, but he is very learned, very expert for all that. He has not been carrying on his business during thousands of years for nothing...."
"The Devil, too, sometimes steals human children; it is not infrequent for him to carry away infants within the first six weeks after birth, and to substitute in their place imps...."
"The fact that [the biblical book] Hebrews is not an epistle of St. Paul, or of any other apostle, is proved by what it says in chapter two...."
"The winds are nothing else but good or bad spirits. Hark! how the Devil is puffing and blowing...."
"There is no rustic so rude but that, if he dreams or fancies anything, it must be the whisper of the Holy Ghost, and he himself a prophet."
"This fool [Copernicus] wishes to reverse the entire science of astronomy; but sacred scripture tells us that Joshua commanded the sun to stand still, and not the earth."
"To be a Christian, you must pluck out the eye of reason."
"...two devils rose from the water, and flew off through the air, crying, 'Oh, oh, oh!' and turning one over another, in sportive mockery...."
"We are at fault for not slaying them [the Jews]."
"We know, on the authority of Moses, that longer than six thousand years the world did not exist."
"We may well lie with what seems to be a woman of flesh and blood, and yet all the time it is only a devil in the shape of a woman."
"We need not invite the Devil to our table; he is too ready to come without being asked. The air all about us is filled with demons...."
"We should throw the Epistle of James out of this school [the University of Wittenberg]
"When I was a child there were many witches, and they bewitched both cattle and men, especially children."
"Whoever wants to be a Christian should tear the eyes out of his reason."
"Women...have but small and narrow chests, and broad hips, to the end that they should remain at home, sit still, keep house, and bear and bring up children."
"So tenaciously should we cling to the world revealed by the Gospel, that were I to see all the Angels of Heaven coming down to me to tell me something different, not only would I not be tempted to doubt a single syllable, but I would shut my eyes and stop my ears, for they would not deserve to be either seen or heard."
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